If You Really Knew Me
by MissTwilghtLover6
Summary: Everyone has their secrets to hide. In the small town of Forks, a group of six teenagers come together and begin to learn the truth about each other. Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Edward, Emmett and Jasper are forced to leave the comfort of their cliques and to overcome the stereotype that they have been labelled. But once their walls begin to crumble; what will they have left? All Human
1. Chapter 1: The Cliques

**Hi everyone. I have been gone for so long now that I have decided to rewrite all of my stories so that I can gain that connection with them again. Thank you. Also forgive me if I get anything incorrect about high school in America as I am from Australia.**

 **Also I am not proving any information on which characters might or will end up with each other. Though it is very unlikely to be canon couples, but despite that I really hope you guys give this a chance.**

 **Oh and also please do not read this if you are under the ages of 18. This contains strong language, sexual scenes and drug use.**

 **The Cliques**

 _Bella's POV:_

My fingernails strummed against the wooden arm rest as I waited impatiently. Principal Greene was meant to return in a few minutes but I was yet to see any sign of him. I had been caught smoking under the bleachers during class time. It was only the first week and I was already in trouble. I can just imagine the frustration in my mother's face already. She had asked me to behave this year but I don't see what the harm was. It wasn't like I was doing drugs on school campus or anything like that.

My attention span was beginning to grow short as Principal fucking Greene took his time in attending to me. I glanced outside to the dark clouds that were ever present over Forks. This town was shit. It was dull and boring; plus it never seemed to stop fucking raining. I could begin to understand why my mother left this town all those years ago. When my mother had me she struggled to stay sane in a small, good for nothing town. So she gave my Dad the ultimatum; us or Forks. With Dad desperate to keep my beautiful and captivating Mom, he followed us. It must have torn him apart inside to leave his hometown, but he always told me it would have killed him even more to lose his family. So, we moved to Phoenix, Arizona and continued living our lives as a family there. My Dad has said that once they moved my Mom became her free-spirited self again. She is always trying new things without ever mastering them. She would drag me along as a way for us to bond but it always bored the fuck out of me. Mom was never consistent with anything she did, but Dad, well, he found a passion in serving his country.

He joined the US Army when I was only 14 years old. It was terrifying to say goodbye to my father and to watch him leave and know that he may never come back. Despite how difficult it was he loved the Army and eventually became Sergeant Swan. Though I am proud to call him my father, the demands of his job limit the time he can come home. It is a rare occasion when he was home, but he always missed the cold of his home, Forks. Two years after he joined, Mom decided to move back to Forks. She came back to a town she had escaped for him; and for me as well I guess. My life was fucked up back then.

And so here we are a year and a half later back in Forks. I'm in the Principal's office about to receive another detention I couldn't care less about. Mom is at home probably joining another club of some sorts and Dad is in Iraq at the moment fighting. He hasn't been home for almost a year and I keep hoping he will return soon.

"What have you done now to land yourself in my office, Isabella?" Principal Greene says tiredly interrupting my train of thoughts. I was here so often that we were becoming acquaintances of sorts. Principal Greene was a 52 years old man who had grey hair but he didn't have much of it, seeing as he was balding at the top of his head; however, he made up for the lack of hair on his head with his bushy grey eyebrows that were begging to be tweezed. He always wore a suit and tie but it was pointless seeing as it was only Forks. Who the fuck was there to impress around here?

"Oh you know the usual. I was smoking crack with the janitor." I said this with a smirk on my lips.

"Very funny, Miss Swan" he said this without a hint of a smile on his lips. "This is the second time you have been in my office today and half the day hasn't even passed yet. It says here that Mrs Stevens caught you smoking _cigarettes_ under the bleachers when you were supposed to be in _class_." An exasperated sigh escaped his lips before he looked back up at me. "Though I must say this isn't as bad as your usual schemes"

"They aren't schemes! They are just what I like to do for fun" I quickly defended myself before he could continue.

"Call it whatever you like Miss Swan, but I am still giving you two days after school detention." Mr Greene told me. As soon as he said that I knew we were done. So I quickly stood up to leave. I was just at the door ready to turn the handle when he stopped me.

"Don't forget your three days of lunch detention from this morning's incident and remember you will have to pay for the damages" he grumbled at me "and please try to behave yourself, Isabella."

"Yeah, yeah I know already" I mumbled as I walked out the door and slamming it behind me. I walked out of the Administrative Office and started towards my baby to grab another lighter because the fucking bitch called Mrs Stevens confiscated my other one.

My baby is a black 2010 RCR Series 3 Chevy Camaro. She was a muscle car and didn't really fit in among the other piece of shit cars but I loved her. Yes, that's right I call my car a she because she is my baby. No one fucking touched Christine. Dad bought me it for my seventeenth birthday as a consolation prize for missing my last two birthdays. Not that I am complaining. She was perfect. It was a dream come true when I woke to find her in the driveway with a ribbon and small card on the hood. The card instructed me to go to the kitchen, which I quickly did once I recognised my dad's handwriting. Sure enough, there he was standing with my mom smiling and in his uniform. I have never ran so quickly to him. Whenever he is around I become a fucking child again and just jump into his arms; becoming held in a comforting and safe embrace.

I was startled once again out of my thoughts when the bell rand signalling the start of lunch. Everyone began to quickly rush out of their classes to go and meet up with all of their friends. _If they have any friends_ , I thought to myself as I saw the outcast, Alice Brandon.

Alice Brandon was born and raised in Forks. I doubt she has ever even left the borders of Forks. She didn't look like your typical outcast. She is always wearing up to date fashion, unlike me who had a limited range of clothes that all looked the same. She is nice and enthusiastic, but yet she is an outcast to the whole of the student body. She doesn't quite fit in with any of the cliques. She could never be friends with me and my friends, also known as the Rebels. She is not one to break the law or rebel a little against authority. She has never joined the Drama Club despite the fact that she could talk with you endlessly if you let her. She doesn't fit in with the cheerleaders or any popular crowd, which I never understood because she could if she wanted to. Trust me; she was beautiful with her short black hair that was flicked in all different directions, and her big eyes that seemed to sparkle when she looked at you. She could fit in anywhere, but yet she didn't. I honestly don't know why but I do know that she was the only one who didn't stare at me like I was a freak show on my first day. We could have been friends if I let it but we went our different ways.

I quickly grab my lighter from my car before heading to lunch. I glance around the cafeteria in search of my friends. I spotted Brandon sitting shyly on the window seat in the corner nibbling at her lunch from a brown paper bag. She must have felt my gaze on her because she looked up at me. She appeared shocked that it was me staring but I just gave her a quick nod before stepping into line for food. I saw her give me a slight smile and nod in return before returning to her lunch. A smirk began to flirt onto the corner of my lips as I ordered my lunch. It consisted of fries, pizza and a bottle of water. I may be small but I liked my food.

With Alice I think there was an understanding between us. We didn't so much as speak to each other but we respected each other. I respected her for staying true to who she is and she respected me because… well… I have no idea. There wasn't much for little Brandon to respect about me really, other than my deep loyalty to my friends.

I paid for my lunch and walked over to my table where all my friends were sitting. I slapped my tray down onto the table and slid into my seat as they all looked up at me. I gave them all a quick glare before turning to devour my food. They ignored me and returned to their conversation. They were used to my pissy moods.

"So there is a big party at Emmett's house next Friday night. His parents are out of town and it's an open invitation, you all in?" Irina asked as she explained the details to us all. I didn't even know if I could be bothered going, but what harm could it be?

"Do you even have to ask me if I'm going?" Kate said with a small laugh when she answered her sister.

"Well, I'll only go if Carmen is going?" Eleazer said smiling at his long term girlfriend of three years but begging with his eyes for her to go to the party.

"I'm going to go, baby" Carmen reassured him with a slight smirk on her lips. Eleazer quickly kissed it off her lips though when he heard her say that.

"I'm definitely going. Have I ever said no to free booze?" Garrett joked with everyone.

"Are you coming, Bella?" Carmen asked me once the laughter died down. I looked up quickly trying to swallow the food I had in my mouth. I looked around at all my friends.

"I don't know. I mean, it _is_ Emmett's house" I told them. Just as I said this Emmett and his friends burst out into loud obnoxious laughter. I remember a couple of months ago he was out with a sports injury and it was like his whole group of friend was lost. They didn't know what to do without him. They couldn't do anything without questioning what would've Emmett done or what would've he thought if we did this? It was completely fucking pathetic. Emmett McCarthy is the star wide receiver and a typical jock. He gets mediocre grades and all the girls want to be with him and all the guys want to be him. It's ridiculous because once our senior year is over he will be nothing out of this school. Sure he will get a football scholarship and continue to play but he won't be number one guy in the school anymore. I don't know if he is a nice guy and I honestly couldn't care less if he was. I haven't spoken two words to him and I don't plan on starting to talk to him now.

"Come on, Bella, it's free booze and we are all going to be there" Garrett reasons with me. I sigh reluctantly and just nod my head as an answer.

"We will have so much fun, I promise! I can't wait." Carmen squeals excitedly. Before she could go on about the party the ball rang signalling the end of lunch. I sighed quietly with gratitude and stated to walk away but quickly stopped and turned around.

"I'll see you all in class. I just have to go run to my car real quick… to… do something real quick!" I shouted back to them to try and cover why I wouldn't be in class. I wanted to avoid Carmen's excitement until it started to die down. I could hear Garrett laughing at me as I walked away.

I went outside and made my way over to my car and got in to have a joint. None of the teachers would check in the cars and besides I had Study Hall next. I wasn't like it was a big deal if I was late. I slowly inhaled the sweet taste of marijuana and I could feel my body slowly relax with each drag. Once I finished I got out of my car and popped a piece of gum in my mouth while spraying some perfume on myself, before heading into the school halls. I arrived out the front of where Study Hall is held and pushed the doors open. I walked over to my group of friends and slumped into the chair.

"Hey, Bella! We were just talking about what we are going to wear to the party." Carmen spoke excitedly while I groaned.

"Oh great" I said in an obvious fake cheerful voice with a huge fake smile. Carmen glared at me quickly but she didn't say anything else to me and continued talking excitedly to Irina and Kate. I rolled my eyes at them and turned to the boys.

They were talking about some new game or something like that. Deciding I didn't want to be involved in either of their conversations I looked around the room.

I was surprised to see a range of all the different cliques. There were the Jocks which happen to include Emmett at one table. They were all talking and laughing loudly like they wanted everyone to know they were in the room. It wasn't like anyone couldn't not fucking notice them with how loud they were.

Then there were the Cheerleaders with the Queen Bee of the school sitting in the middle, Rosalie Hale. Rosalie was that girl that all the boys and even some of the girls wanted to date and the one that made girls green with envy. She had natural long blonde hair that flowed down her back and whatever little sunlight there was in Forks always manages to catch it and make it look like a goddamn supermodel. She had the hourglass figure that made the boys drool and legs that could go for fucking days. It was her eyes though that stood out to me the most. They spoke a language that no one could ever frickin' understand. They were a strange violet colour but it wasn't just the colour that stunned me. It was the story behind them that was begging to be told. Little Miss Fuckin' Perfect had a secret and I just couldn't figure out what. All I know is that there must be pain and heartache in there, but who didn't have any?

Other than the Jocks and Cheerleaders, Forks High had its very own band of Players. They went around and broke girls hearts by screwing them; both emotionally and physically. The biggest player of them all was Edward Cullen, who is currently flirting with Lauren Mallory. He moved here two years ago and no one knows much of his past but with a charm like that it wasn't like anyone really cared. Everyone loved him; well almost everyone. He has a new girl hanging off his arm each day and yet the girls crawl back for more. He was cocky and arrogant. He had every right though because he was stunning. He had a strange bronze coloured hair that always seemed to look like he either just rolled out of bed or had sex. I am going to say the latter. His eyes were his secret weapon though and I could understand why. They were the brightest shade of emerald green I have ever seen. One look into them along with his signature smile and you had no chance.

No school was complete though without the Stoners of the school, who always look like they have no idea what is going on. The leader of the group was Jasper Whitlock. I don't know whether or not that's because he is the school drug dealer or if it was because he just emitted an aura of control and strength. His presence demanded respect. I don't know much about Jasper or who his family is. It's like no one knows of him outside the walls of Forks High. When you first see him you wouldn't think he was on drugs but if you looked closer you would see the signs. From afar he looks like a broody teenage boy, but if you were to look into his eyes you would see that they are bloodshot and his pupils so dilated that you can never seem to take time to appreciate his gorgeous blue eyes. His wavy blonde hair came to the nape of his neck and it would cover his eyes at times; obstructing your view of his eyes even more. He isn't overly skinny as one would expect, but rather has a lean muscle that can been seen through the outline of his clothes. He had a scar running from the right of his hair line down to his eyebrow. If it was anyone else it wouldn't have looked so appealing, but with Jasper it just added to his bad boy image. No one knows the actual truth of how he got it. He just came back to school one day with it and the rumours started.

I didn't believe a single one of them.

I let me eyes wander across the room thinking about how different we all are, but yet so alike. We all stuck to our cliques and never strayed from them. It was then that I noticed a small figure sitting in the corner of the room sketching in a notepad. It was Alice Brandon. She was so invisible in this school I almost didn't even notice. I guess she was the only one who was different from us; the one that didn't belong. It's probably what made her an outcast.

I was pulled from my thoughts by an announcement being made by my personal acquaintance, Mr Greene.

"Good afternoon, everyone! I would just like to ask for all the seniors to please begin to make their way to the auditorium. Thank you!" Mr Greene's voice boomed over the speakers.

Everyone in the room slowly stood up all talking about what could possibly be happening. They were all hoping that something actually exciting might happen in this town. My friends and I all started to walk towards the auditorium laughing at Kate's expense. She had been caught having sex with some guy by her parents.

"Don't laugh! It wasn't funny. Alex couldn't have gotten his pants up fast enough. It didn't help that my dad was threatening to blow his head off and call the cops" Kate attempted to make us understand and stop laughing but she only made us evolve into another fit of laughter.

"Was he even worth the trouble?" I asked in between laughs.

"Yes! I was so close. God, did he make me scream!" Kate said with a hint of lust and humour in her eyes as she thought about the previous events.

"Maybe you should try to be quieter next time, Kate" Eleazer laughed loudly.

"Yeah, we all know you can be loud" Garrett said seriously. Kate and Garrett have been friends with benefits for a while, but there aren't any serious feelings there. At least not yet but I was patiently waiting for the day one of them would grow a pair and realise they were perfect for each other.

"Oh, I just know how much you love when I scream" Kate purred in Garrett's ear loud enough for us all to hear. She trailed her noise down his next and I could see she slightly nipped at his ear with her teeth. Garrett was obviously quite turned on by Kate at the moment because I could see the bulge through his jeans.

"Hey Garrett, it's rude to point" I smirk, as Eleazer and Carman laugh harder as we try to find seats in the auditorium.

"Oh don't you like it when I point, Bella? Maybe I should come a little closer so you can get a better view" he replied in a cocky tone. His words just widen my smirk even more as I walk up to him. I press my body against him and slowly lean up towards his face. I didn't care if I was attracting an audience with Carmen, Eleazer, Irina and Kate laughing. People could think whatever they like.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" I whispered seductively in her ear. His eyes snapped to my face quickly knowing that I was being a tease. I laugh at his expression before pulling his face down and pecking him on the cheek. He glared at me and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Mr Greene starting his announcement at the front of the room.

"As you all know Challenge Day is coming up. I have noticed there are many different cliques here at Forks High. It disappoints me that you aren't grown enough to step outside of your comfort zone and make friends with someone not within your clique. So I have decided to call in the show from MTV, _If You Really Knew Me"_ excited whispers break out across the room. I can hear Kate and Carmen gush about how cool it would be to be on TV. I just rolled my eyes at their antics with a smile on my face and leaned my head against Garrett's shoulder.

"Now as it is the end of the week, I am going to hand out some forms I will need both you and your parents or guardian to sign. It is to allow the show permission to film and for you all to be on it. This will be held in the Gym next Tuesday. So, I will need all forms handed in by Monday. I know it is all short notice but there were a few changes that had to be made and the only time that is available that we can do it is then. Now if you could please as you leave grab a form that is at the door. You're dismissed" Principal Greene droned on. I quickly stood from my seat as I said bye to everyone before I left for the weekend. I grabbed my form notice and made my way to my car.

I could hear all the whispers about Challenge Day and what people expected to happen. I was just bored and couldn't wait for it to be over. I didn't like talking about myself; especially to people I didn't even fuckin' like. It would only lead to me becoming vulnerable to complete strangers. I had fought to get out of the deep and dark depressive hole; I don't want to have to revisit it. I quickly got into Christine and turned my music up loudly to drown out my thoughts. I speed out of the school parking lot desperate to escape the memories of the past. All I knew was that Challenge Day was going to create a huge shit storm.

I arrive home and saw my mom's car in the driveway. I smile realising that she must be home early. I get out of the car quickly and rush inside to get away for the cold.

"Mom, I'm home!" I call out as I walk through the doors.

"I'm in the kitchen, honey!" I heard her voice call out. I make my way to the kitchen and I could smell something burning. She was trying to cook again. I glance through the doorway and I spot her trying to save something that probably once looked like spaghetti sauce. I laugh quietly at her and walk over so that I can take over. She smiles gratefully at me and steps away from the stove knowing the she would just cause another disaster in the kitchen. I threw out the food in the pan because it couldn't be saved. I got everything out to start to make it all again.

"Can you sign that form on the table?" I ask her while I turned the stove to the right heat and start to cook the spaghetti.

"Sure. What's it for?" Mum asks me as she looks for a pen among her mess.

"We have Challenge Day on Tuesday and the school has decided to bring in the TV show _If You Really Knew Me"_ I explain as I begin making the bolognaise sauce.

"Does that mean you'll be on TV then?" She asked me curiously as she smiles victoriously when she found a pen and was able to sign her name.

"Maybe, but I'm not sure. Fuck I hope not" I am starting to rethink even going to this stupid thing now.

"Watch your language!" Mom scolds me "What is this TV show about anyway?" She asks curiously wanting to know my hesitation; obviously forgetting about my language quickly. She finishes signing her name and filling out the details and puts down the pen so that she can give me her full attention.

"It's where you sit in a group with people you barely even know and spill all your deep and darkest secrets and fears. It supposed to make us feel like we aren't the only ones who feel like that and blah, blah, blah" I tell her with sarcasm heavily coating my words.

"Oh come on, Bella. Maybe it will be good for you… and you could make some new friends?" She trying to hint at me that she wishes I would stop hanging out my friends, but I ignore her not so subtle hints.

"No, Mom. All I am going to do is listen to a bunch of people's so called sob stories that I don't even care about." I say bluntly.

"Bella, don't be like that. You just have to give these people a chance." She pressures. I roll my eyes and turn back to pasta sauce I am making.

"Can you set the table?" I ask making it obvious that I don't want to talk about it anymore. I can tell that this would lead to an argument and I am just too tired to be bothered with it. She was really the only stable and reliable parent in my life and I think I might be close to losing that. We have been fighting a lot more lately. I think she might finally be getting sick of me. I don't know but I don't want to risk being sent away to boarding school. I might hate Forks but it was slowly becoming my home and I had amazing friends here. I meet her eyes and she gives me a pleading look. I could just imagine what she was trying to say. She wanted me to stop complaining and just try. I roll my eyes are her but I still answer her silent question.

"Okay, I will try but that is all you're going to get. I'll sit there and listen… and I'll play nice, even though I don't want to I might add… But I'm _not_ going to sit there and tell them every little thing about me" I clearly state. I don't want her to think I'm doing this willingly but that I was willing to compromise.

"That's all I ask of you. I'm sure you'll love it and make friends with people." Mom was simply excited to have me agree to something.

"I'm not making any promises though, Mom" I remind her. I don't want her getting her hopes up that I will miraculously change in the span of a day. I wasn't going to change my friends or my behaviour. It's who I am and a TV show isn't going to change that.

"I guess that's the best I'm going to get" she sighed as I nodded my head agreement. With the discussion over she began to set the table.

We worked in silence for the rest of the night. I cooked the spaghetti while Mom set the table for the two of us. It was quite while we ate. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of our forks scrapping the sides of our bowls and the loud howling of the wind outside.

 **So what did you guys think? I have been working on this for a while now. I apologise if there is some stuff that isn't correct about the American high school system. I am from Australia and we do things a bit different here. I have never actually experienced what it is like to have extreme cliques. So if you guys could send or comment anything that you think I am doing wrong, I would love it!**


	2. Chapter 2: In the Now

**Hey, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter and enjoy this one too. Let me know what you think. And once again please don't read this story if you are under the age of 18. There is strong language, drug use and sexual scenes. Don't say you haven't been warned haha**

 **Anyway, read and enjoy!**

 **In the Now**

When I awoke to my alarm clock blaring at me to wake up for a day at school I just knew that it was going to be hell. I considered just skipping but decided against it seeing as I told my mum that I would try and if was going to try I would have to hand in that permission slip today. So I rolled out of bed with a loud sigh escaping my lips and got ready for another tiring day. After I was dressed and ready for school I ran down the stairs almost making it down safely, key word being almost because just as I was about to run down the last three steps I lost my footing and slid down the remaining steps on my ass. It hurt like shit balls.

"Did you fall down the stairs again, Bella?" Mum called out with humor in her voice. I rolled my eyes as I cursed my clumsiness for always bringing me down. Literally.

"Yes I did but it's not my fault. I swear they have a death wish out on me" I grumbled as I got out cereal for breakfast.

"Maybe you should be a bit more careful, dear, or we could always wrap you up in bubble wrap so even if you do fall you won't hurt yourself" She laughed out.

"No way because I would always be making little farting noises and my friends will think it would be hilarious to pop every little bubble until I went crazy. Bubble wrap makes people act very immature, Mum. Even me" I explained taking the subject seriously. Knowing Mum she would go out and buy enough bubble wrap to cover me and then some more just to pop.

"You do have a point but enough about this talk I got to get to my book club meeting" Mum said while putting her dish in the sink and giving me a kiss on the forehead with a quick 'I love you' and 'bye' as she made her way out the front door.

I rolled my eyes and decided to head off to school before I was late and got another detention I wasn't going to go to. I washed my dish as well as Mum's and made my out the door and into the garage. We kept Christine in there because I declared I was going to go on strike with cooking if she didn't get a proper place to rest and be sheltered. I know it might seem crazy but as long as she is happy, and I know when she is, I'm happy.

The drive to school was filled with music. Music was my safe haven. All music has an interpretation and depth of sorts. Even when there are no words it can portray exactly what the emotion is… perfectly. I don't know if it's just me that feels this way but I wouldn't be without music. It can relate to you when sometimes words can't.

I arrived at school and saw that Carmen, Eleazer and Garrett were here already. I couldn't see Irina or Kate anywhere. They probably weren't even here yet or hooking up with a guy. They might seem a bit slutty but they actually know the guys and I could count on my hands how many guys they have slept with. It's just they sleep with them more than once. I mean sure at a party they would just make out with a random but so have I. People do some crazy shit when they are drunk. Besides, who was I to slut shame?

I parked my car taking up two car parks. I didn't want anyone to hit her and leave my baby scratched because then I would have to kill someone. I was very protective of her. I got out of Christine and pulled out a cigarette as I walked over to Carmen, Eleazer and Garrett. I was lighting it up as I approached them when I heard someone yell out "Watch out!" I turned quickly and saw a football flying in my directions. I sighed and put my lighter in my pocket quickly and left my cigarette hanging from my mouth as I quickly lifted my hand to catch it. I may be clumsy but my dad loves football and before he enlisted into the army he taught me the basics of how to play. I'm just as passionate as him in football.

"Some help, little girl, or can't you throw that far?!" I heard Emmett yell out while all his friends laughed like fucking hyenas. They are laughing at me when I could throw better than half of those dicks. I just smirked as I lift my arm, pulled it back and snapped it forward. I watched as it spun in a perfect spiral through the air… and hit Emmett straight in the balls. I heard him groaned as he dropped to the floor as people gasped in shock that someone would do that to him.

"Opps, I think I might have to work on my aim a bit more" I called out to him in a false innocent tone. I turned around with a smirk on my lips as I took a drag of my smoke and let the innocent act fall as I yelled out "Watch your fucking mouth next time! You fucking cock sucking mother fucker"

"Go Bella!" I heard Garrett yell out. I smirked as I walked up to him. He gave me a quick hug as Eleazer rambled about how fucking awesome that was.

"Okay, as awesome as that was Bella you better pray that we can still go to his party" I heard Kate say from behind me. I turned around with the smirk still on my lips "Of course we will still be fucking going and besides I don't pray"

The bell rang and people started to make their way to class. I just rolled my eyes as I saw Eleazer and Carmen leave for class. Kate and Garrett just sat back on the picnic table next to us.

"Does anyone feel like skipping today?" Kate asked with a smile.

"Well I can't. I got to hand in that stupid permission slip for tomorrow" I grumbled. I was not happy about it in the slightest.

"Oh shit yeah. I forgot. Well how about at lunch time?" She compromised with me.

"That I can do" I laughed "Now come on Garrett. You are giving me a ride to class"

He just shook his head but turned around bending his knees so I could get on. I smiled as I put out my cigarette and jumped onto his back and wrapped my legs around his waist. Kate smacked my ass as she walked past to head to class.

"See you later bitches" She yelled back over her shoulder.

"Come on we got class to attend to" I whispered into his ear. He laughed as my breath tickled his ear but complied and headed off to Home Room. We laughed and joked around on the way. I knew we were late but at least I was going. We were still laughing loudly as we entered class. Everyone turned to look at us.

"Miss Swan and Mr. Lockworth, I'm surprised you have decided to come today" Ms. Stewart said in a voice she thought was full of authority but it just made her sound even more like a snooty bitch.

"Whatever at least we fucking came" I snarled from Garrett's back.

"Miss Swan could you please refrain from using that language in my class and get off of Mr. Lockworth's back" She instructed me but not that I was going to listen to her anyway.

"No and no but here is that stupid permission slip for tomorrow" I said as I pulled it out of my back pocket and passed it to Garrett to put on her desk. He knew what I wanted without asking and did what I wanted him to do. Ms. Stewart just sighed in frustration but didn't say anything else. Garrett walked to the back of the room and put me down on my desk and sat on his desk beside me as we started to talk about what we should do at lunch because knowing Kate she hadn't thought it through that far yet.

The rest of the day passed in a blur and when lunch time rolled around I couldn't wait to get out of here with my friends. I decided to just wait for them at my car. When I got there I heard some muffled moans and screams of pleasure coming from the car next to mine. It was a silver Volvo that I recognized as Edward Cullen's car. I rolled my eyes at it but just leaned against my car and lit up a cigarette. I saw Irina make her way over to me with Carmen and Eleazer. I silently wondered when she got here but didn't bother asking.

"Where's Kate?" I asked them when they were close enough to hear me.

"She said she will be here in 5 minutes. She got held behind in class. Mr. Burn wanted to speak to her. I think she is failing Japanese" Irina explained.

Before anyone could say anything else there was a loud scream followed by a grunt from Edward's backseat. I started to laugh quietly when I saw Lauren climbed out of the backseat a few moments later.

"Never took you for a screamer, Mallory" I laughed loudly. I heard a quiet chuckle from the backseat before Edward climbed out after her.

"Shut up, Swan. You're just jealous that you can't get any and I can" she sneered.

"Oh 'cause I am bloody so jealous that I'm not the one getting a quick fuck in the backseat by a guy who probably doesn't even know my name." The sarcasm dripped from my voice. "And whoever said I don't get any Mallory. I just happen to do it with a bit more class and not display it for everyone to know… and hear" I snarled. She made a noise of frustration and stopped her foot like a two year old but didn't say anything back to me. She stomped off towards the directions of the cafeteria but not without giving Edward a kiss on the cheek and whispering something in his ear. I rolled my eyes at her antics but didn't say anything. I mean don't get me wrong; if Mallory wanted to get some in the backseat of some guys car go ahead. Enjoy yourself! Life is short and sex is great! But god dammit don't be such a whiny bitch about it.

Edward turned towards us with a smirk on his lips. "Eavesdropping?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, actually I was just at my car and Lauren happens to be loud. Though your little grand finale wasn't exactly quiet now, was it? Now hurry along and find some girl who I'm sure can't wait to be defiled in the backseat of your car. Or maybe you would prefer a janitor's closet next time? A good cliché is always the best way to go" I said with a fake smile on my face and sugar sweet voice that made me want to gag.

"What isn't there to love about being defiled when it's with me?" Edward suggested in what I am sure many girls would find seductive. I snorted and opened my mouth ready to reply with a witty comeback but I was interrupted.

"Konnichiwa, bitches!" Kate screamed out in greeting. I laughed at her usual antics and turned towards Christine.

"Where to, babes?" I asked Kate.

"We are going to Garrett's house" she smiled widely.

"Why my house?" Garrett questioned her.

"Well because I scored some new shit off Jasper and your parents are away on a business trip so we won't get busted" she explained and he nodded in understanding. She turned around then and noticed Edward for the first time.

"What is he doing here?" Kate asked as she pointed at him.

"He just finished fucking Mallory in his backseat" I laughed, "though fucked if I know why he is still here. Who knows? I just want to get out of here so if you're coming or not I'm leaving"

Kate shrugged and forgot about the topic as she yelled "shotgun" and slid across of the hood of my fucking car with her fucking tight ass jeans with chains and pointy shit hanging off them. On. My. Fucking. Car. What did she think this is? The fuckin' Duke of Hazards?

"Watch the fucking car, bitch. You could fucking scratch her with all the fucking shit you having coming off your clothes" I said with anger while I searched my baby for any scratches but then she said the worst thing ever.

"It's just a bloody car, Bella" she rolled her eyes as she got into the front seat while I froze in my spot.

"Just a car. Just a fucking car. This baby's a 2010 RCR Series 3 Chevy Camaro and she probably has more fucking feelings in her than your cold fucking heart bitch. So if you think Christine is just a fucking car then you can get the fuck out of her" I ranted at her trying to keep my anger in check so I didn't strangle the life out of her.

"Shit sorry Bella. I forgot how protective you are of your ca-… um of her" she stumbled over her words. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes again and just got in my beautiful baby girl. Everyone just didn't move like they were waiting for me to explode at any given minute. I just started to get even more frustrated but kept my temper in check.

"Are you guys coming or not?" I finally snapped at them. They all quickly moved and piled in Christine. There wasn't enough room but Carmen just sat on Eleazer lap in the back seat. I turned the radio on to listen to music and pulled out of the school parking lot and away from there so fast all that was left was a pile of dust and Edward with a confused look on his face. I didn't really care what he thought but I must have looked like a real fucking freak defending Christine. I mean not many people, probably not anyone, feels the same way about their um… car. I mean it's hard for me to call something that is as beautiful as Christine just a car. It just can't be done. It's too painful to even think of her like that. I was pulled out of my thoughts when Carmen decided to break the tension filled silence that I had created.

"Why don't you two just kiss and make up already?" she suggested but before either Kate or I could answer her Garrett spoke up next.

"Do you mean that literally for them to kiss because that would be totally hot, like volcano erupting hot" he said with a lust filled tone.

"God you're such a pervert. Can't you just keep your mind out of the gutter?" I told him off but I had a small smile on my lips. Garrett can always make me smile when I'm ready to rip someone's throat out and feed their head to a bunch of wolves.

"You know if you weren't good in bed and I didn't like dirty talk I would so not fuck you" Kate said informing us all once again of her sex life.

"Thanks, Kate" Garrett told her seriously as his ego went up a notch. Kate just hummed in response but otherwise didn't say another word until we arrived at Garrett's house.

"Time to get fucked up bitches" Kate yelled really chirpy. That was just Kate though. She can't stay mad for long and you can't stay mad at her for long either. Kate and I fought but we were always over it in a matter of minutes. I think out of everyone I'm closer to her the most because she is the one that has always been there for me. No one else has seen me cry but she has and she didn't say a word. She just held me and didn't ask any questions about it once, but instead got me so stoned I couldn't even remember why I was crying in the first place. She was the one that always had my back in fights and cleaned me up afterwards. She was the only one who had the slightest clue of what I have been through. She is my best friend and that's why I love her for everything she is; flaws and all. She is the sister I never had.

We all started to make our way inside and go towards Garrett's bedroom upstairs. Garrett's home wasn't big. It was actually more on the small side but it was a home. You could tell someone lived here and I loved it. I hate when I go to someone's house and it feels sterile and like a museum. It made me uncomfortable, like I couldn't even sit down. Those houses don't feel like a home but just where someone resides.

When I got to Garrett's room I just laid down horizontal on his bed waiting for Kate to get the damn joint ready so I could get stoned. One thing about good about being stoned, it makes you forget and right now I need to forget because all that has been going through my head is about that stupid challenge day tomorrow. It made me think about all the things I have tried for the last two years to not acknowledge, to just keep at the back of my mind for a day that I hoped never came but it's on its way. It's tomorrow.

I was pulled out of my thoughts once again when Eleazer and Carmen shook the bed as they climbed their way to the head board. Eleazer laid his legs out in front of him while Carmen curled into his side. He looked down at her and I could see the love passing in between them with just that one look. They were meant for each other. He whispered something in her ear and she put her head down with a slight blush to her cheeks but mumbled something back. Eleazer lifted her head up with his fingers and kissed her softly on the lips. The kiss started to get more passionate so I turned to look away but I heard them mumble something to each and this time I could understand them. They had whispered 'I love you' to each other.

Hearing them say that to each other and watching them I felt a stir of something rise in my chest and I knew what it was. I was jealous of what they have. They have someone to tell them that they love them. Carmen has someone to tell her she is beautiful. She has someone to tell her that her life is worth waking up to. I could count on my two hands how many times I've been told someone loves me. I mean my parents think I know that they love me so they don't tell me but just sometimes I would like to be reassured that I'm loved. They would tell me every time I woke up in the morning when I was young and innocent but not anymore. But after the crappy hand I have been dealt, it would be nice to even be told that I haven't completely fucked up; that there is at least one time when I did good, when I made them proud. I think my parents, especially my mom, has just given up and just doesn't see the point in wasting any more time on her fucked up daughter. It's strange to think this when everyone else has parents to love them and worship them. The people at my school would never understand what I've gone through and what I'm still going through. That stupid show If You Really Knew Me is not going to change me and help me. It's just going to make me weak and fall back down to my knees and this time it will be public.

The joint got lit up and passed around. When it reached me I took a long drag, letting it fill my lung and slowly released it back out between my lips. I passed it up to Eleazer with my eyes still closed. We continued to do this until there was nothing left of the joint and just sat talking about random shit and joking around. I loved this feeling. It made me feel like a feather and I was just drifting through the wind. It's an amazing feeling. I wondered what it would feel like to fly.

"What do think would happen if we were birds?" I asked seriously.

"That you would get to shit on Lauren Mallory's skanky ass" Kate said just as serious. I laughed imaging Kate as a bird shitting on Lauren. Soon we were all laughing and then we didn't even know why we were laughing. It was intoxicating and I couldn't stop.

The rest of the night passed in a blur full of laugher. It was a good feeling to just laugh. Laugher is like a drug. You just want it so bad and when you have it you don't want to stop. It takes over your thoughts and your life for that moment. It just erases the past and the future but it leaves you in the now. And right now I was blissful. I was floating and I knew I would soon come crashing down when the wind falls from under my wings but I couldn't care less right now because I was laughing.

"Are you afraid of clowns, Bella?" Carmen asked me. They were talking and laughing about their fears, the times they confronted them and ran from them. Carmen happened to have a fear of clowns. She never told me why but I know she has told Eleazer. I don't think there is one thing they haven't told each other.

"No" I replied.

"What are you afraid of then?" she asked curiously.

I didn't say anything. I _couldn't_ say anything. Saying my fears meant I had to admit to them and admitting my fears to anyone is one of my fears. And I wasn't ready to face my fears. My fears aren't any ordinary fears. I don't fear what normal people fear. I fear things that no one could ever understand. If I ever admitted my fears to someone I think they would lock me up and throw away the key and I think if that would happen my parents would feel relief. I think if I had died they would still feel relief. They wouldn't have the weight of a fucked up daughter on their shoulders. They could move on with their lives without the worry of me anymore. My friends would be upset but then they would get so stoned they wouldn't even remember why they were upset in the first place. It's kind of sad that I know that already but yet I still stick around when I know I have no place on this earth. So instead of answering her question i avoided it.

"I should go. My mum will be worried" I said with my eyes on the floor as I collected my stuff. I could feel their eyes on me but I didn't make contact with any of them.

"Are you all staying here the night or do any of you need a ride home?" I asked. I didn't want to just leave them here when I knew all their cars would be at school still. They all shook their heads no. I kissed them all on the cheeks and muttered goodbye.

"I will be here in the morning to pick you up and then you can all pick your cars up from school tomorrow" I told them as I walked out the door. I got into Christine and drove home with my fears on my mind.

When I arrived home my mum was already in bed. She wasn't waiting up like a concerned parent even though I said I would be in right after school and it was now one o'clock in the morning. I wasn't angry at her. I knew she would just assume if I was in trouble the police would drive me home or she would get a phone call. I think from the countless nights I never arrived home she just gave up with it and if I was home in the morning, I was home.

I made my way upstairs quietly so I didn't wake her when I heard soft giggles coming from her bedroom. I paused in the doorway to my room and softly put my bag down on the floor so it didn't make a sound. I tiptoed my way slowly towards my mum's bedroom at the end of the hallway and stopped outside her door to listen. I heard her emit another giggle from her room. I listened even closer to see if she was on the phone to my dad or something when I heard him, a stranger who wasn't my dad but another man that was taking his place. I was frozen in my spot when the giggles turned into moans. I couldn't believe it and I didn't want to hear anymore but I needed to know. I slowly opened the door a sliver so I could see inside my mother's room and what I saw I will never forgive her for. There she was, my married mother, lying on her bed in nothing but her underwear on and a man with blonde hair above her while he kissed down her neck making her emit even more moans. I saw her bra get unclasped and then this stranger slid her underwear down her legs. It was like a train wreck, so terrible but you can't look away. Bloody hell I desperately wanted to look away but I wondered how long it would take before she finally noticed I was standing there. Just as they were about to finish the deed I couldn't watch anymore. I finally tore my eyes away from it and slowly closed the door behind while making my way back to my bedroom.

I closed my eyes while I lay in bed but I couldn't take my mind off what was happening right down the hall from my room. It was this moment that the wind fell out from underneath my wings. I didn't have the laughter that I did before to help me fly. I didn't have the drugs to make me float away. I wasn't stuck in the _now_ anymore. I _now_ just had the past, the present, the future and none of them looked that good. It was moments like these that I wished for that laughter but I had no one to make me laugh.

 **Well… what did you think of that? Were you expecting that to happen? I hope you enjoyed it because I sure did writing it. Next chapter Challenge Day begins! Can you guess what all of their secrets are?**


	3. Chapter 3: Doe Eyes

**Hey everyone, hope you like it so far. This chapter is where it begins. Challenge Day starts. Now I know that some aspects of the show If You Really Knew Me won't be accurate but I will try like hell to get it right.**

 **Also I apologise if anything in here offends you. None of these opinions are actually mine. Some of the characters say things as like a way to protect themselves.**

 **Doe Eyes**

I was already awake when I heard my mum make her way down the stairs. I could barely sleep last night with those fucking terrible images of my mum banging another guy. I couldn't get them out of my fucking head. I was disappointed. No matter how fucked up my life is, I had always thought that my parents had a love that was for the frickin' story books; like the ones that had happily ever after or whatever you want to call it. I guess that 'true love' really was a fucking fairy tale.

After I got ready for school in my usual attire; jeans and black t-shirt, I made my way downstairs attempting to avoid my mother. But luck obviously wasn't on my frickin' side. Of course she was on her way upstairs as I was coming down.

"Good morning, Bella! Have a nice sleep?" She said with a bright smile on her face.

"Someone is happy. What the fuck has gotten into you?" I angrily said. Who the fuck was she trying to fool?

"Language, Bella! And is it a crime to be happy now, is it?" She was such a fake. It was pissing me off. How could she do that to my dad? I pushed past her and began to make my way down the stairs. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible. She made me feel fucking sick.

"No. Sorry, mother. I am just a bit tired from listening to you getting your brains screwed out… all night long" I truthfully said with a bittersweet smile on my face. Her face was bright red and she stammered over her words.

"Goodbye, mother dearest" I yelled out as I slammed the front door after me. I was angry but I was also fucking hurt. My dad is the one person who I actually look up to and has been destroyed without even bloody knowing it. I hurt for him.

I got into Christine and sped off towards Garrett's house. I couldn't think about it now. I had to focus because of fucking Challenge Day.

I arrived outside of Garrett's and pressed down on my horn to let the fuckers know that I was waiting. I could see Carmen and Eleazer make their way outside and get into the car.

"Hey, Bella!" they chorused at me. "Irina already got a lift this morning. She said to let you know" Carmen informed me.

I nodded in their direction to acknowledge them before leaning down on my horn to get Kate and Garrett to hurry up.

"What is taking them so fucking long?" I cursed absently. I continued to hold my horn down until eventually they made their way outside. They both got into the car with Garrett in the front seat. He looked thoroughly fucked… literally. I glanced back at Kate in the backseat and watched as she fumbled with her hair.

"Fuckers, next time you want to have a quickie in the morning make sure you have your own ride to school" I laughed at them. They didn't even need to know what was going on but even their antics could lighten my mood.

Kate laughed while Garrett put his head down; always the bashful motherfucker. I shook my head before speeding off in the direction of school.

"You guys ready for Challenge Day?" Carmen asked. I didn't respond but listened to them talk amongst themselves about how they thought today would be.

I turned into the entrance for school and quickly parked in the middle of two spaces. Like I said, I am not risking hurting my precious baby. We all quickly got out of Christine and made our way towards the Gym. Garrett speed up to me and slung his arm over my shoulder. He smelled like a mixture of soap, sex and Kate.

"Sorry about making you wait, Sweetheart" He leaned down as he said this in my ear.

"Don't let it happen again. You horny bastards made me wait for like 10 minutes. You know I'm not patient" I scolded him. He grinned sheepishly at me but just nodded to say he understood.

We walked into the Gym and there were cameras and chairs spread across the large space. I glanced around and saw everyone sitting with their respective cliques. There were five chairs left next to Jasper and his friends, so we headed towards them. Just as we were about to get to them Alice bloody popped out of nowhere and sat down in the middle of the five spare seats. Kate looked unhappy and ready to snap. For someone who just got laid she sure as fuck wasn't in a good mood. I quickly intervened before she could say something. Being mean to Alice was like being cruel to a frickin' dog or some shit like that. You just shouldn't do that shit.

"Hey, Brandon" I said loudly so she could hear me. She jumped in her seat looking shocked that someone actually spoke to her. She looked up at me waiting for me to say or do something. "Mind moving down a few seats for us?" I questioned. For fucks sake I was going soft with her bloody doe eyes.

"Oh…um… yeah" she said timidly before moving down a few seats until she was next to Jasper. She looked scared to be sitting next to a guy. I sat down next to her and looked back at my friends.

"Well, that doesn't solve the problem. We are a seat short" Kate said. She glanced around but I guess she couldn't see any more chairs close by.

"Just sit on Garrett's lap or something. It isn't like you two haven't been fucking all morning, you horny fuckers" I laughed at her. Carmen and Eleazer laughed as they all eventually sat down.

"Good morning! I am glad so many of you have made it. Now today is going to be unlike anything else!" Some girl at the front said into the microphone. She started bloody rambling about the show and what all of this is about but dammit she didn't know how to shut the fuck up.

I leaned my head onto Eleazer shoulder and grunted in disdain. This was going to take forever. I felt his chest shake from silent laughter. He fricking knew what I was thinking without me even having to say anything. Finally the girl at the front said something about an activity and everyone began to rise from their seats.

"Oh fucking hell! If I am made to do any fucking sport or anything like that I am not going to be happy" I grumbled as I realised we had to do stupid activities together. I blanked out during the activities. I was not active in anyway and that was absolute torture for me. Why would anyone willingly do this shit to themselves?

"Okay! Next we would like to organise yourself into groups of about 5 or 6. However, we will be making sure you are not with any of your friends!" The guy shouted across the room.

"Catch ya later! I am about to get myself my 5 minutes of fame" Kate laughed as she made her way across the room and sat herself amongst a group of random people. I snorted at her humour and watched as everyone settled into groups.

Mr Greene approached me and I instantly felt dread. This motherfucker never had good news for me. "Miss Swan. I have a group that I think would be particularly beneficial if you joined" He said calmly to me.

"What the fuck are you up to?" I questioned. He didn't answer but instead guided me to a group of chairs. Was Greene fucking serious?

"Here you go, Miss Swan. This is the group you will spend Challenge Day with" He told me. Motherfucker.

"Well, aren't you a sneaky little fucker?" I smirked as I turned towards the group of people already seated.

"I don't want any trouble from you today, Isabella" Principal Greene said as he walked away. I glared at his retreating back before sitting in the last spare seat. I glanced up and saw who I would be spending the rest of my day with.

We were arranged into a circle so we were all facing inwards. Jasper was to my right and Alice was to my left. Next to poor Alice was the Queen Bee herself, Rosalie Hale. Jasper had Edward next to him and then between Rosalie and Edward sat Emmett. Why would any moron think this was a genius fucking idea?

"Well what the fuck do we do now?" I asked them. They all looked at each other like they had no idea what to say or do. "Are you fucking mute or some shit?" I said seriously.

"No, maybe we just don't feel like talking to the crazy bitch of the school" Rosalie snarled at me.

"I guess it always is a bad sign when you start talking about yourself. You must be on the express train to Looney Ville, Hale" I smiled sweetly. Hale did not look impressed but before she could retort a reply back she was interrupted.

"Now that you are all in your groups I would like you guys to begin by saying something about yourself that no one else knows. Start this by saying 'If you really knew me'. Got it?" The guy, who I learned his name is Vinny, said.

"Well who is going to get this party started?" Emmett laughed. He didn't look fazed one bit. I guess the bastard didn't have any secrets.

"Why don't you do the honours, Emmett?" Edward said to him. Emmett glanced around but he no longer seemed as calm as before. It seemed no one was willing to start this shit.

"Well don't expect me to fucking start" Jasper quickly announced. By the time one of them decided to speak my leg hair would have grown back.

"If you really knew me…"a shy voice spoke. My head shoot up to look at Alice. Who would have guessed that bloody Brandon would be the one to man the fuck up and speak? "You would know that I… um…" She couldn't finish it. She was too scared and everyone had their eyes on her waiting. She looked like a god damn deer right before the car ran it the fuck over. It was those goddamn big brown doe eyes.

"If you really knew me then you would fricking know that my dad is a Sergeant in the Army" I quickly blurted out but I couldn't help but notice how proud I sounded. I didn't expect myself to begin talking but that fucking deer like Brandon made me feel fucking sorry for her. She looked grateful though. Everyone else looked shocked like it was a miracle I actually did something willingly.

"Wow, who would have thought?" Emmett mumbled.

"Never pictured you to be an army brat" Satan Spawn said. "I always imagined you to have a typical white trash family" Bitch fucking Hale just had to go and push my buttons. Wasn't this whole fucking thing supposed to be about being supportive and nice or some shit like that.

"Shut your fucking mouth. Or better yet why don't you go and suck another dick. I heard it has been quite effective in making you shut the fuck up" I snapped at her but with a smirk on my face. Before she could fire back another insult and cause something that she wouldn't be able to finish a booming voice quickly spoke up.

"If you really knew me… you would know that the man you all believe to be my dad, is actually my step-father" Emmett confessed. Well fuck… wasn't expecting that. I always imagined his family to have the picket fence with two perfect parents who were happily fucking married. Guess not.

"Never would have thought that you would have had daddy issues. You know with you being the Golden Boy and all" Edward stated. Fuck that was harsh.

"Well shit…" Jasper mumbled next to me.

"Stop it!" Alice shouted. Bloody fucking hell… the little deer had some fucking balls. "This is supposed to encourage us to be understanding of each other. Why are you all here if you are just going to keep disrespecting each other? This isn't some joke for you guys to laugh about." She looked afraid now; like she regretted speaking up. But no one knew what to say back to her. I could hear people speaking across the gym, but in our small group of six it was as quiet as a fucking morgue.

"I… I am so sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you all like that" Alice quickly apologised. I don't get why the fuck she was apologising.

"Why the fuck are you apologising?" I vocalised my thoughts. I didn't seem to ease her nerves though. She actually looked even more frightened than before. What the fuck was wrong with this girl? I was being fucking nice to her. There was no need to look at me like I was the bloody hunter that killed poor Bambi's mother.

"Oh I… uh… I didn't mean to offend you." She stammered with her eyes glued to her lap like it was the most interesting thing in the whole god damn world.

"Oh fuck no! You didn't offend me, Alice" I explained. "You are _fucking_ right. I just want this stupid thing over already. So, can we all fucking just at least pretend to get along for the day? I have shit to do instead of dealing with you fuckers"

Once again everyone was so quiet. I wasn't sure if it was because I was willingly speaking to them, or that I had publicly defended the 'outcast' Alice Brandon. I have never been one to defend anyone other than my friends. I stay out the fuck out of everyone's shit unless it concerns me. I guess with everything that has fucking happened in the last couple of days has fucked with my head. I couldn't deal with all this shit. I didn't have my dad here and bloody Alice… and her fucking big brown doe eyes. It was my weakness; it just reminded me of the past. The shit I tried so fucking hard to hide. And now I had to deal with these fuckwits.

"If you really knew me you would know that I have not had sex with multiple people and I am by no means a slut" The sound of Rosalie's voice shocked me. Not because she spoke but because she was serious. She generally was afraid of what people would think of her. "Despite what many of you may think"

"People don't think you're a slut. At least I don't" Jasper reassured her. It surprised me because I honestly thought he wasn't paying anything attention to us. He was so quiet, but what he said was true.

"Hale! You're not a slut. You are fucking a gorgeous girl and these small minded fucks are jealous. The only way they can feel better about themselves is to make you feel like shit" I informed her. Fuck, I know I might have made a comment about her sucking dick but I know it ain't true. If someone insults me I will fucking insult them right back. Don't mean I have to believe what I say. It was a defence mechanism; tit for tat. It wasn't that fucking hard to understand. The world was shallow. Love didn't make the world go round. Money, greed and shallowness did.

"She is right you know" Edward spoke up. "I have heard what girls say and besides if my friends and I haven't fucked you, then I doubt anyone else has."

I burst out into laughter and I could hear a booming laughter with me. Emmett must have found it hilarious too. Who would have thought that this giant fucker and I would have a similar sense of humour? The fact that Edward even thought he would have a chance with a girl like Rosalie was hilarious. She may be a bitch but fuck she was a classy one.

"You and Rosalie would never happen. She is way out of your league" Emmett said through his fit of laughter. I nodded along with him while I tried to contain my laughter.

"Wow. Thanks guys. It disappoints me you think I am not worthy of a girl like Rosalie" Edward mocked with a hand on his chest. Talk about overdramatic. What the fuck did he think this was? It was the worst acting I have ever seen in my life.

"Can we please stop talking about my non-existent sex life with Edward and move on?" Rosalie was desperate for the conversation to move forward I could hear it in her voice.

"If you really knew me… you would know that my drug dealing is what supports my family" It was a fucking huge confession. I didn't fucking expect to get this deep this quick. Jasper has thrown a curve ball. We were going to start taking this shit seriously. It scared the living fuck out of me.

"Fuck man… that's fucked up. You shouldn't have the responsibility of looking after your family. You ever need anything, bro, let me know" Emmett was genuine in his words. He wasn't bullshitting. He was being honest and showing a side of him that I never knew existed. We all murmured words in agreement to show our support.

I reached across the tiny space between Jasper and I and rested my hand on his knee. I gave a small squeeze to show my support before leaning back into my chair. Jasper glanced up at me with those intense blue eyes and for once they looked sober. His pupils weren't dilated and his hair had been brushed back from his face. I could only see pain but there was gratitude there as well. He appreciated that we were all showing our support.

"If you really knew me you would know that I have… had… an older sister" the sound of Alice's timid voice grounded me. I snapped away from the sharp blue that held my gaze and turned towards Alice.

"Had?" Rosalie questioned but without any judgment in her voice. She was concerned for her.

"She died 4 years ago. We were in a car crash" Alice had put on a brave face but I could see the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. She was stronger than I thought.

"I'm so sorry" Jasper said quietly to her. Rosalie pulled out a tissue from her bad and passed it to Alice. Edward and Emmett offered words of condolences. I for one; was speechless. I didn't know what to fucking say. What do you say to someone when they have lost someone? No words were ever fucking good enough. I just also couldn't comprehend how something so terrible could happen to someone so pure.

"You said we" I finally spoke.

"Oh… uh… I was in the car with her." A look of relief passed across Alice's face. She was grateful she could finally talk about what happened with someone. "I was 13 at the time and… I uh… just got my period for the first time." She let out an unamused laugh. "I was so embarrassed and I didn't want to tell my mom yet… so I told her instead. She talked me through it and told my parents we were going to the store for ice cream. She always knew what to say and do. My parents never questioned anything she said. She was the perfect child in their eyes... She said 'ice cream's the perfect way to deal with having your period.'" We all let a small light hearted laugh. Her sister was a wise girl.

"Anyway, we went for ice cream. We just sat and talked for what must have been hours. I can't remember exactly what we spoke about anymore but I remember her laugh that day. It was so happy and carefree. But by the time we decided to head home it was dark and raining so heavily. We could barely see out the windscreen. I remember watching the windscreen wipers move so quickly… in a desperate attempt to the clear the rain. It was useless. We went around a bend; I don't even remember how it happened, but the car lost control. I was screaming so loudly. The driver side of the car hit a tree. Emma died on impact. I was stuck in the car with her for 6 hours until the emergency services were able to get us out." Alice had tears streaming freely down her face now. Rosalie was hugging her tightly. I think in this moment Rosalie was the only thing holding poor Alice together. We all sat there quietly listening to the sound of Alice's sobs.

"Emma?" Emmett questioned. "Emma Brandon?"

 **So that is the end of that chapter. What did you guys think? I hope you enjoyed it and if you didn't let me know why! I am always open to feedback whether it is good or bad. I just want to be able to improve and write a story that is worthy of writing. I am sorry but I warn you I might sometimes go a week or two where I don't write because my schedule is crazy most of the time. But I write during the night so whenever I get a free night I am writing**


	4. Chapter 4: Guilty Minds & Loving Hearts

**Hello! I have been working hard on this story and have a general idea on how this story will go. So I will be dropping hints/ foreshadowing what will come! I wonder if you guys can pick up on it. I know it may seem like this whole story is about Challenge Day but I have visions that will take it further from just one day.**

 **Also I am extremely sorry about the delay for this chapter. I have currently taken on two jobs and when I am not working I am studying full time at University. Gotta pay the bills some how haha**

 **Have fun and don't forget to review so I can know what all of your thoughts are, good or bad.**

 **Guilty Minds & Loving Hearts**

"You know Emma?" Alice's tiny hands trembled from the force of her grief. She was no longer sobbing but tears silently flowed down her face still.

"I personally don't know her very well. But I remember when she died." Emmett was nervous. I could see a dew of sweat dripping off his forehead and he was fidgeting. I was a fucking expert at reading people; and I knew he was hiding something.

"Just say it. We are all being honest; no reason to start hiding anything now" I urged him. If we were all going to play nice and spill our hearts out then we could at least stay honest.

"You aren't patient are you, Sweetheart?" Jasper laughed quietly next to me. _Sweetheart?_ I was many things but I definitely wasn't sweet.

"No, I am not and I'm not your fucking sweetheart" I shot back quickly.

"No, you definitely aren't a sweetheart" he laughed loudly now. "You are more of a feisty little firecracker."

I rolled my eyes but I ignored his comments. I was watching Emmett who was staring intently at Alice. Rosalie was still comforting her. This whole situation was showing a completely other side of Rosalie. I would never have imagined that she would have such a nurturing nature in her. She was an Ice Queen. Nothing could get through to her. She was a piece of stone, and just like me, Alice was breaking her exterior; Alice with her truthful words and doe eyes was going to make Rosalie and I weak. I was desperately afraid of how this day was going to shatter my walls I had built so carefully around me.

"I never realised that Emma had a little sister" Emmett explained. "She was so close with my brother" He released a shaky breath before turning his gaze away from Alice and towards me and the rest of the group.

"If you really knew me you, uh, you would know that my brother didn't die by a 'freak accident' as everyone was calling it… He killed himself." Emmett had a stoic expression on his face. He was fighting to keep the raging wave of emotion inside.

I sat silently trying to process what I had just been told. I didn't even know that Emmett had a brother. I had always just assumed that he was an only child who was way too fucking over indulged by his parents; I mean his mother and step-father. I looked around and everyone had a look of shock on their face, except for Edward. He didn't fucking know anything either.

It was then that I fucking realised. I had arrived to Forks roughly two years ago, around the same time as Edward. This tragedy must have happened before either of us arrived. This must be a fucking deeply buried secret. Forks is a tiny town and the people in it were just as small minded. If there was any gossip in town, the people would pounce on it like a lion does its prey. It wasn't a surprise that Emmett's family wanted to keep his brother's cause of death a secret. A suicide in a town like this would be the topic of gossip for years to come.

"I'm so sorry, but what happened?" Alice boldly asked. Emmett wasn't angry that she was prying. After all we were all here to be honest and get shit off our chest; shit that would otherwise rot us from the inside out.

"My brother was Jackson Everton. We don't have the same last name because my mom had him before she was married to my step-dad… He was the guy who was dating your sister, Alice." He paused so that she could process what he said. Alice didn't say anything though. Instead she waited for him to explain.

Fuck, we all were waiting for him to explain.

"Jackson was crazy about Emma. She used to come over to our house; my mother loved her. I guess from what I heard they were like the Golden Couple. Jackson was the best quarterback that Forks has ever seen. He was offered scholarships to some of the best Colleges before he was even a Senior. He loved Emma; I sometimes think he loved her more than himself... I remember hearing them both talk about marriage and how they were going to spend the rest of their lives together." Emmett has a small smile on his lips. He was remembering a time when life was happy; when his brother was happy. Alice was completely focused on Emmett. She was cherishing every word he said about Emma. She was trying desperately to grasp onto any memory that was left of her sister.

"But then Emma died." His smile disappeared from his lips. "It destroyed Jackson. He quit football, which majorly upset my parents. He was always out at parties either getting drunk or high. He barely slept. I used to wake up at night and hear him crying in his room; other nights I would wake to him smashing things. My parents tried everything. They sent him to counselling… but they still didn't speak a word of what was going on to the outside world. They didn't want anyone to know just how bad it was. They didn't want to jeopardise his future." I felt like Emmett was more trying to convince himself, rather than us. "About a year after her death, it finally seemed like he was getting it together, you know? He stopped staying out late. He started spending time with the whole family. I didn't realise he wasn't okay. No one did…" Emmett was silent for moment. I think he was stuck in his memory. He wasn't here with us anymore; he was stuck in the past. Despite that though, he took a deep breath and continued telling us what happened.

"He went into the bathroom one day and grabbed a razor and cut into his wrists. I had left for school already when my mom found him dead on the floor in a pool of his own blood." Emmett's voice started to shake near the end. He was struggling to get through this. "My mom was a mess, still is. That is why we hid that Jackson killed himself. It was hard enough that she had lost her son, but if the whole town knew it would have been even harder. They wouldn't have understood how we didn't see it coming. They would judge and gossip about Jackson and my parents. My mom is like a shell of her old self… It destroyed her losing Jackson. It destroyed our family."

Emmett hunched forward and silently shook. He didn't make a sound. Edward, without saying a word, reached across and squeezed Emmett's shoulders. He didn't get up and hug him, but instead just offered him the support Emmett needed by a simple caring touch. Emmett didn't look up at us for a long time. He stayed in the same position silently grieving and Edward didn't remove his hand. He lent Emmett the strength he needed. Eventually, Emmett was able to regain his composure and look back up at us all. He wasn't crying but he had dried tears on him checks and his eyes were bloodshot. Edward removed his hand from Emmett's shoulder and leaned back into his chair.

Now that Emmett had gotten it together, he looked ashamed. I don't know why but he did. Maybe he thought he wasn't fucking masculine enough, or maybe he felt like he had embarrassed his family by revealing a long kept secret. I don't have a fucking clue why he looked ashamed and embarrassed. I just knew that there wasn't a fucking single reason to be. I didn't seem to be the only one who realise that Emmett seemed uncomfortable and embarrassed. Edward was watching him with calculated eyes. He understood what must have been going on inside of Emmett. He suddenly got a look of determination on his face. Edward wanted to help Emmett.

"If you really knew me you would know that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was eight" Edward stated clearly. He was directing the attention away from Emmett. What a brave little fucker. As he spoke though there was no arrogance in his voice like all those other times. He let down the façade and was simply being himself. He was allowed to just fucking be Edward.

"When she was first diagnosed we all stayed positive. My parents sat me down and explained it all. She went in thinking that she would kick cancers ass. It was tough watching her go through chemo." Edward's voice slightly cracked and a build-up of tears flooded his green eyes… but he didn't let them fall. Instead he took in a deep shaky breath and composed himself.

"My mother was a beautiful woman. My father says that the moment he laid eyes on her he knew that she was the woman he was going to marry. Mom thought he was just a stupid boy who was only being driven by his hormones." A slight chuckle escaped his lips but it wasn't light. It was devoid of emotion. "He was right. She was wrong. He married her and he cherished her. You could see how much they loved each other; just the way they would look at each other. I could see how much they adored each other most when she got sick."

Edward paused. There was just silence; none of us dared to speak. He was simply collecting his thoughts trying not to let emotion overwhelm him. It was Emmett though that sat up straighter and looked Edward in the eyes. He was offering him what he could. He was encouraging but not demanding.

"You're okay."

It wasn't much, but it was enough. The simple words resonated with Edward and he was able to get control of his emotions. Edward offered a small smile to show that Emmett was right. He was fucking okay and he would continue to be. I was beginning to realise that I was sitting in a circle of people who were fucking soldiers, not of any war, but of life.

"Despite how much they loved each other and me, it just wasn't enough." Edward stared straight ahead. Avoiding eye contact with any of us.

"Mom got sicker and the chemo stopped working. It had already been 5 years that she had fought. She was tired, you know? I could see it in her eyes. She loved us but she was suffering. My dad could see it and it hurt him to see her in pain… But together as a family we tried to stay strong. My mum would organise family outing, even though half the time she couldn't go because she was too sick." A small tortured small touched Edward's lips. It wasn't the cocky smirk that was normally associated with him. It was full of pain that could not be eased. "It allowed a lot of time for my dad and me to bond. I would feel so guilty for being able to forget about the pain Mom was in at home. I got to be a normal teenager for those brief moments. But when we got home Mom would be waiting with that beautiful smile of hers wanting to know how our day went. It should have made me feel even guiltier but by being normal for those few moments I could tell it made her happy." He smiled a real smile now. It touched his eyes and he finally looked at us. The love he felt for his mother shined through all the heartache.

"Then one day she sat my dad and me down. I remember it so clearly. She looked so small in my parent's king sized bed. She said that she was tired of fighting and that she felt it was time we all let go. I couldn't comprehend what she was trying to say. In my small 13 year old mind I thought she wanted to go to stay hospital instead of at home. How wrong was I?" He laughed harshly as though he couldn't believe how naïve he was.

"She was ready to die and she wanted our help" Edward stated.

I felt myself bring in a sharp intake of air. I couldn't wrap my mind around what he was saying. I too felt like a 13 year old kid who wasn't able to understand what was being said. Even though I knew what he was going to say next I felt as though I wouldn't believe it until it was said. How fucking ridiculous I was being. I couldn't begin to understand how Edward felt. It was one thing to lose someone unexpectedly, but another to watch someone die and then eventually… I couldn't even think it.

"Edward?" Rosalie's voice broke the silence. Edward broke out of his thought and looked Rosalie in the eye. I felt like he was no longer here with us. But rather an empty shall who simply existed. How alike we were.

"I helped." His voice was devoid of emotion. "I helped her swallow the pills that would kill her. Then I held her hand and watched her die."

Once again we were all quiet. I could hear chatter, laughter and even a few sniffles from the groups around me but all I was focused on was a small dark scuff on the gym floor. I couldn't bring myself to look at Edward or anyone else for that matter. These fuckers were making me weak and I had tried for so long not to be.

"We couldn't live in that house anymore. We tried for a few years but it got to my dad too much. He couldn't sleep in the bed where we killed her. So we moved here and tried to start afresh. My dad has never been the same since though."

"You didn't kill her" Alice's timid voice broke the silence. "You let her die peacefully. You eased her suffering and don't you ever feel guilty for that" Her voice grew stronger. She was no longer shy and timid but she was confident and believed what she was saying.

"I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less." Edward replied with a shaky voice. He had tears freely flowing down his cheeks now.

We waited.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity. We waited for the tears to stop flowing. I glanced towards Emmett and Edward. They always seemed so carefree; so oblivious to the heartache and pain that existed in the world. But yet this whole time their minds were consumed in guilt; guilt that should never have been placed on them. All they were ever guilty of was loving completely and purely with all their hearts.

So we waited. We waited for the pain, heartache and guilt to fade even though we all knew deep inside that it never would. For time does not heal all wounds. Whoever said that was a complete fuckwit who had never experienced true pain. Instead we just learn to hide our wounds and continue on with life; with gaping holes in the middle of our chest.

 **Okay, so what did you think? This chapter was a little hard to write which is why it is a bit shorter. I know I take forever to write but I like I have said I have a busy life. I have taken a year off University so hopefully I have more time to write this year before I travel and go back to studying. Anyway, please leave reviews. I really love hearing what people think. It is my favourite thing ever. I have also edited the last three chapters. Nothing has changed but I had a lot of spelling mistakes and just some small details I needed changed.**

 **Thanks again and please bear with me while I write this story. It may take a while but I'll get there.**


	5. Chapter 5: Diluted Rage

**Okay so it is currently 1:40am and I have decided I want to write as much as I can because it is so hot here I can't sleep. I hope you guys liked the previous chapter. I know I have been dealing with some sensitive topics but I have tried to be as delicate as I can with them. I hope I haven't offended anyone but please know that none of the opinions in this story are of my own. They are purely fictional. And I know these first couple of chapters are a little emotional draining but it needs to be done for the story to continue where I would like it to.**

 **Please be warned there are some very sensitive topics in this chapter, including the mention of rape and abuse. If this is a sensitive topic please be weary while you read this.**

 **Diluted Rage**

The noise around us continued. It had felt like hours since Edward had spoken but I am pretty sure it has only been a few minutes. Edward has since regained his composure and offered a weak smile to us. Through it all Jasper hadn't said a word. If it wasn't for the constant bouncing of his leg I would have forgotten he was sitting next time me. The bouncing stopped and he cleared his throat.

"Uh, well I guess we should keep going" Jasper chuckled and looked around at all our sombre faces. His eyes meet mine and I offered him a weak smile even though I know it didn't reach my eyes. It was fucking something though. I was trying. Wouldn't my mother be proud?

"So, I guess if you really knew me you would know that my father is a pathetic excuse for a man." There was no emotion or tears in Jasper's eyes as he said this; but rather pure rage and hatred.

"I don't know what to say" Rosalie spoke. She seemed stunned but at least she was attempting to address what he has said.

"You don't have to say anything, darling" Jasper comforted her. It was odd. I was expecting more heartache from him but I didn't get it. I was stunned into fucking silence once again. It was pissing me off. I was normally able to act indifferent towards people and able to distance myself. But with this group it was growing harder.

"So, what is this fucker like?" I asked him. If no one was going to say it then I was. I wanted to know what had caused such anger in him.

"He is a jobless drunk who abuses my mother and me. I guess it's the typical white trash family, wouldn't you think Rosalie?" Jasper tried to joke but there was no humour in his voice. Rosalie didn't respond and I didn't blame her. There was no bloody way to respond to that.

"What do you do? How do you deal with the abuse?" Alice questioned with a burning interest in her eyes.

"I can't do much." Jasper admitted in a defeated tone. But he kept his chin high. He wasn't going to let the fucker who was meant to be his father make him look weak.

"I try to take as much of the hits I can; to try and protect my mom, you know? I know you all probably think she is weak and a terrible mother for letting her children live in that environment, but she isn't. She tries her hardest. She endures it because we have nowhere else to go. We have tried to leave before but hit my mom so badly she ended up in hospital. He said if we didn't go back he would come after me and my siblings. We have no money and whatever little I make from selling drugs goes towards the bills and food. We had to go back. There was no other way." He justified his and his mother's actions.

"Your mom isn't weak… and neither are you." I don't know why I said it but I felt as though he needed to hear it. He glanced at me with appreciation before turning back to everyone else. I placed my hand on his knee and rubbed soothing circles with my thumb. I wanted to show him that I wasn't just saying it but that I believed it with every frickin' fibre of my being.

"It gets hard sometimes, especially with my little brother and sister. They are only 8 and 9 years old. They are too young for the life that has been dealt them. He has never hit them though. I have made sure of it." Jasper looked determined and protective. It was then as I looked at him that I knew he would lay down his life to protect his siblings. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"What are they like?" Emmett asked.

"They are the best kids ever. Mathew is so smart. I know he has a future ahead of him even if I don't. I have tried to put as much money away as possible so he has a chance at college. So they both do. But my sweet little Jenny. She is too kind and she adores our mother. It scares me because I am so afraid that she will grow up and think that the way he treats us is normal. I want her to get out. I don't want her to end up with the same life as Mom. I want them to both have a better life than I will ever have. I know their childhood isn't normal or the greatest. I can't change that. But I can try to give them everything I have." The pride and love shined in his eyes. It diluted out all the hate inside him. He had given up hope on himself but not on his brother and sister.

"You're already a better man than your father ever will be" Emmett stated. He was right. I could see a strong and loyal man in front of me. Jasper Whitlock was no fucking boy like half of these dickheads in this school. He was wise and smart. He was a man. I looked at Emmett and Edward and I realised Jasper wasn't the only man in this school. These three men have endured more than most people. They were strong and it radiated off of them. While they were all completely different, yet they were similar in their strengths and weaknesses.

"Thanks, man" Jasper nodded.

Jasper remained silent now. I could tell he was thinking deeply but about what I have no idea. He could be thinking about how he has failed his family, or how much he hates his father. He could be thinking about a million fucking things but I had no idea what it was. I simply kept my hand on his knee. It was almost natural. I felt as though I have known these people for a lifetime rather than an hour. Jasper placed his hand over mine as thanks. I smiled at him before slipping my hand out from under his and leaning back in my chair. Jasper's knee started to bounce again.

I glanced away from him and looked to Rosalie. Everyone has spoken except me and her. It was down to the last two and I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to bare my soul to them. I had my fair share of secrets but I have never shared them with anyone. I was beginning to become scared of the truth and afraid of their judgment. I shouldn't be scared. It frickin' frustrated me because I thought I had moved past this. I wasn't sure but I must have been pleading to Rosalie with my eyes because she sighed with defeat. Rosalie shifted in her chair and flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder as though getting comfortable before speaking.

"If you really knew me you would know that I had an abortion just last year." Rosalie stared at me as she spoke but she didn't pause. "I didn't know who the father was" She spat bitterly.

Alice reached forward with her tiny hands in an attempt to comfort Rosalie. However, Rosalie kept staring blankly into space and gently pushed Alice's hands away in refusal. She didn't want to be comforted. I realised Rosalie wasn't upset as I first suspected but rather she was fucking dripping with rage.

"My dad lives in Texas. He moved there after my parents got divorced." I glanced around the group. We all looked confused. I wasn't sure where Rosalie was going with this but we all stayed quiet and just let her speak. It was all we could offer her.

"I used to go up there every summer to visit. I loved it there. While I was there I meet a guy. His name was Royce. He has southern charm and was known as a bit of a playboy. But he had taken a liking to me. Everyone said that I would be a fool if I were to give him a chance, because he would just break my heart. But I did anyway despite what they said. Eventually we started dating and I was so in love with him. My dad loved him and Royce treated me so well that my dad ignored his playboy reputation. We dated long distance for a while and I would visit whenever I could." Rosalie looked mad as though she couldn't believe she really was such a fool. "The last time I was there Royce had a party that his friends were having. I insisted he should have a boy's night and I would stay home but he wanted me to meet all his friends. The party was fine at the start and all his friends were nice to me, but they all started to get really drunk." Rosalie broke her stare with the wall and glanced back at us all. I could see Emmett's hand clench into a fist from the corner of my eye. He was seething with anger.

"Royce had disappeared upstairs with his friends. I wanted to go home. I didn't feel comfortable and I was tired. So I decided I would go upstairs to tell him I was leaving. I found him in a bedroom with six of his friends. I tried to tell him I was leaving but he wasn't listening. Instead him and his friends were making disgusting comments about my body. I decided I would just leave and speak to him once his was sober… But he grabbed me tightly. So tight that the next day I had bruises on my arms. I was thrown to the bed and my top ripped open." She stopped. I didn't need to hear anymore to know what those sick bastards did. It made my stomach churn to know what they did. But Rosalie refused to stop talking. She was staring again at the wall as she spoke.

"His friends held me down to the bed while Royce ripped my clothes off of me. I screamed. God, did I scream but the music was too loud and no one heard me. I tried to fight them. I really did… but there was just too many." Rosalie's voice grew softer as though she was drifting back in memories. A single tear drifted down here face. It was the first tear I had seen her cry.

"I won't say anymore. I'm pretty sure you all know what happened next. I was raped that night by all of them" She stated firmly.

"I'm going to kill those bastards!" Emmett seethed with angry almost getting out of his chair. Rosalie looked at him and just shook her head.

"No, you won't. I just left. I haven't been back to Texas since. I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant and it made me sick with the thought of something of theirs being inside of me. I didn't hesitate to have an abortion. I don't regret my decision. I never told my mother or my dad what happened. I haven't told anyone about Texas." Rosalie didn't shed another tear but instead she let her anger consume her for a brief moment. I watched as she let it simmer down before glancing back at me.

"Did you go alone for the abortion?" I questioned. It was fucking stupid of me but I did it anyway.

"Jessica and Tanya came with me." Rosalie softly smiled as she glanced at where her friends were sitting. "They don't know what happened and they didn't ask any question but simply came with me. They even lied to my mom for me. They have never brought it up since" She laughed softly. It was a genuine laugh unlike the bitter one from before.

Rosalie held so much hatred in her heart that it stopped her from feeling anything else. But I could understand. Sometimes when there is so much pain the easiest thing to do is let the rage and hatred consume you. I realised that while Rosalie was hurt she hasn't let what happen to her break who she is. She has remained strong and I wasn't necessarily sure if that was a good thing or not.

 **Please review and let me know what you think. I know this may be sensitive to some people but I have tried to cover this topic the best I can. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. One more to go. What do you guys think Bella's secret is?**


	6. Chapter 6: Fairy Tales & Mirages

**I'm back! At least for tonight. I am terrible at updates. I need every detail to be perfect and to have each chapter planned and organised before I even write it. I already know how this story will end (I am starting to sound like a cliché). Anyway, Bella's story is here! What do you think it will be?**

 **Fairy Tales & Mirages**

Emmett's fist kept clenching and unclenching. I studied his hands for what seemed like forever. He had a faded scar on his left hand, right wear his knuckle meets his hand. I stared at that faded scar for so long attempting to comprehend all the batshit crazy that was going on in my head right now. I couldn't bring myself to look any of them in the eyes. They had all bared their souls to me and I couldn't even bring myself to give them a glance at mine through a fucking peephole.

"I would say take your time, darling, but we only have a limited amount of time" Jasper prompted. I glared at him while my thoughts raced wildly.

"I just don't know where to begin" I laughed sarcastically.

"Just start where you think is right" Alice's timid voice broke through my thoughts and my head snapped up. I stared into her brown doe eyes and it broke me.

I breathed in a shaky breathe.

"His name was Jacob." A soft smile graced my lips.

Emmett's hands stopped clenching and he focused on me. It should have made me nervous but it instead calmed me. I felt safe for the first time in a long time.

"We grew up together and in my innocent child mind I thought we would be each other's first and last loves. That we would get married, buy a house with the picket white fence and have kids."

Rosalie snorted a laugh. I didn't sound malicious though. Just surprised.

"I never expected you to have that fairy tale dream" She explained.

"I don't. I was fucking wrong."

They stared at me waiting for me to elaborate. But speaking about Jacob opened up a part of me that I thought I had forced shut with all the strength I had left.

"I mean I guess I was right to a certain extent. We were each other's first love; first everything. We started to officially date when we were 10. It was innocent at the start. We used to hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek. But of course when puberty eventually hits, it doesn't stay that way for long. We used to joke that we had a love for the story books. I was madly in love with him. I think a part of me still is. Always will be." I closed my eyes and pictured his face.

"He was fucking funny too" I snorted. "Always knew how to make me laugh. And he had the most infectious smile. But it was his eyes that I loved the most. He had big brown eyes, that as cliché as this fucking sounds, that shined."

I stared Alice and her doe eyes. I felt a tear slip down my cheek before I quickly brushed it away.

"Your eyes remind me so much of him"

Alice turned away from me. And I glanced down at my intertwined fingers. I started to fidget.

"January 11th 2015. It was a Sunday. Jacob was driving me home after we spent the day at his watching movies and having dinner with his family. It was a good day. He came from a big family. His house was always filled with noise. I loved it. I am an only child and loved how fucking alive his house felt. He always said that he would do anything for the quiet that I had at home." Another tear fell down my cheek but I didn't bother to remove it.

"Jacob's sister was 6 months pregnant at the time and had an intense craving for crispy crème donuts. So we stopped at a gas station on the way home. We went in and weren't paying much attention when we heard yelling at the front of the store. He told me to wait while we went to see if everything was okay. After a few minutes of him not coming back I decided to follow him. There was some guy robbing the gas station with a gun. Jacob was attempting to calm him down but the guy just pointed the gun at him…" I felt my voice catch.

"You have to say it. It is easier once you say it" Edward said.

"I started to come up behind the guy when Jacob spotted. He yelled at me to run. I couldn't though. Not because I was frozen to the spot but I couldn't leave him in there alone. I stepped towards the gun man and he turned the gun onto me. I don't remember how but Jacob had tackled the guy to the ground trying to get the gun off him. And then there was a loud shot..."

Alice placed a hand over mine to stop me from fidgeting. I clutched at her tiny little hand with dear life.

"He shot Jacob. The gunman ran off. I didn't try and see where. I ran to Jacob and tried to stop the bleeding with my hands and his jacket. There was blood everywhere and I couldn't hear anything around me expect for Jacob's shallow breathes. He didn't scream or cry. He just tried to calm me. He told me how much he loved me. He was such a great person who I was supposed to grow old with but instead he died on a dirty bloody gas station floor."

I clutched harder at poor Alice's hand I was afraid that I was growing to break a bone or something. But she didn't say a word, just squeezed my hand harder.

"Did they catch the guy who did it?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah, it was a 16 year old kid." I replied.

"Shit" she muttered.

"I know" I muttered back.

"How did you end up in Forks?" Emmett questioned.

"My dad missed his home and my parents thought it would be good for me to get away from it all. Like a fresh start is going to make me forget about Jacob. And everything that came along with it."

"You don't ever forget the people you love. My brother was proof of that" Emmett said wishfully. Alice snapped her head up to look at him. Emmett didn't seem to notice.

"How did you cope?" Edward asked. "I mean with losing him so suddenly."

I thought about it. How did I cope? After Jacob I became a completely different person. I turned to alcohol and drugs to help numb the pain. I became a complete and utter fuck up. He would have hated the person I have become. The things I have done.

"I didn't."

The rest of Challenge Day passed in a blur. I don't remember much of it. I had decided to distance myself from the activities. I had slight doubts about revealing Jacob to them. I hadn't told anyone about him. He was mine. I didn't want to have to share him and I did. I felt guilty for it. It made it seem as though I was fucking moving on from Jacob. I wasn't. I couldn't.

"Thank you all so much for cooperating today! I am sure that it was difficult for you all, but hopefully you will all realise that there is no need to segregate yourselves from each other!" The lady from the start was starting to annoy me with her positivity. Nothing would change. It would all go back to the way it was in a few days. She finally wrapped it up and we were all allowed to leave.

I leaped out of my seat and raced towards the exit. I had made it outside and I breathed in the fresh air. I kept my head down while I reached into my pocket for my packet of cigarettes and kept my head down so I could light it. I let it dangle from my lips as I saw the car park come into my vision. Freedom. I took a deep drag of my smoke and felt my nerves begin to relax. I had almost fucking made it without any interactions with anyone when I was stopped.

"Bella!"

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I contemplated for the briefest second to just keep walking, but I waited for them to catch up.

"I spoke to the others and we thought that maybe we could all hangout tomorrow." Rosalie Hale was speaking to me willingly in public. I guess I was wrong about today not changing anything. It seemed as though it already had.

When I didn't respond she started to speak again.

"It wouldn't be anything big. We could just hang out at my house. I am sure my mom won't mind" Rosalie broke her gaze from me and glanced behind me. I turned around and saw them all together. It was an odd sight; Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Edward all standing together. The saw me looking at them and turned to talk to each other.

"… if you can't make it I understand." Rosalie continued.

"Sure" I shrugged.

"Sure?" She looked confused. "Sure that you'll come or…?"

"I'll be there, Hale. After school?" I tried to remain indifferent but I was nervous fucking mess on the inside.

"Okay! I will see you then" She turned and walked back towards the group. She looked confident again.

"What was that all about?" Kate voice appeared out of nowhere. I jumped and turned towards her.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Kate! Don't do that to me" I scolded with a hand over my heart. It raced rapidly and I wasn't sure if it was from fright or something else completely.

"Don't be so jumpy" Kate scolded me back.

"Ladies, ladies there is no need to fight over my fine piece of ass" Garrett joked while sliding his arm around our shoulders and pulled us in for a group hug. I laughed and hugged them both back for a second before sliding out from under their arms.

"Sorry, but the only fine piece of ass I see around here is Kate" I motioned at her while she displayed the 'goods'. Kate and I dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"Damn girls, one day you are going to tempt me too far and I won't be able to resist" Garrett grumbled.

"Garrett, you're fucking great and all but I ain't about to jump into your bed anytime soon" I patted him on the shoulder before making my way over to my car. Kate and Garrett trailed behind me while they flirted shamelessly with each other.

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"Oh! Carmen and Eleazer said they will see us tomorrow. Something about a date night I think" Kate explained.

"And Irina should be here any minute" Garrett looked around for her as he said this. We had reached my beautiful car. I traced a hand up her hood when I saw Irina make her way over to us.

"Hey, guys! What's the plan for such a beautiful day in Forks?" Irina smiled sarcastically as she looked up at the dark clouds in the sky.

"Why don't we go down to Portland and enjoy us some much needed retail therapy" Kate suggested while Irina agreed.

"Um, as torturous as that sounds I think I'll give it a miss." I was not fucking going shopping with these bitches. We would be there for hours.

"I think I'm with Bella, ladies! See you tomorrow" Garrett hurried into my car before they could convince him otherwise. Irina shrugged it off and made her way to her car after saying goodbye.

"I will see you tomorrow" I said to Kate before turning to get into my car.

"Bella!" Kate stopped me. "Are you alright?"

"I will be" I offered with a faint smile.

"I'm here, okay? Whenever or whatever you need… I'm here" Kate urged.

"I know, but really I'll be okay. Just a tough day is all" I explained. It felt nice someone caring. Worried if I was okay or not.

"Love you, honey bunny" She lightened the mood. It was what I loved most about Kate. She was able to ease my anxiety and fears without even realising what she was doing. There was a charm about Kate that was rare. Many people just assumed she was an easy party girl without much substance. But she was more than that. She was loyal, kind, charismatic, strong and she was my rock without even knowing it. She is a fucking beautiful girl and almost too good to be true. She was like a mirage. I was afraid that if I got too close she would just disappear and I would be alone again.

"Love you too, Kate" I smiled at her before getting into the car with Garrett.

 **Review! Favourite! Follow!**

 **What did you guys think? With the last couple of chapters I have finished with a big paragraph of a kind of reflection. But I really wanted to emphasis Bella's friendship with Kate. I really love the dynamic between them both. I also think that it was important for you guys to realise that Kate isn't shallow or just a character who is here for the start. To me Bella's friendship with Kate is vital. It is something that will continue through the story. So let me know what you all think! I love responding to reviews and messages. Especially where I can improve. I'll try and update in the next few days or so. I have a lot of free time now!**


	7. Chapter 7: Soul mates?

**So this is where the story moves forward from challenge day. I know that I touch on very sensitive topics but i have tried to be as sensitive but also as realistic as I can. Not one single person reacts the same way to trauma and loss. I hope you all like the way I progress with this story. Enjoy and please don't read this if you are not of age like 18 I think it is hahaha. Anyway there are lemons in this chapter.**

 **Soul mates?**

The smell of the joint had filled my car. The hand rolled joint hung between my fingertips as Kings of Leon Sex is on Fire softly played through the stereo. I pulled a long drag of the joint letting the sweet scent of the weed fill my lungs. I held it in my lungs for as long as possible before letting it escape from between my parted lips. I then passed the joint back to Garrett.

We didn't speak but just passed the joint between us both until it was finished. We had decided to get high after Challenge Day. I wasn't ready to go home to my mom and what awaited me there. Garrett didn't ask any questions but was always up to get high. We had parked my car near the woods that was always deserted.

"Garrett?" I turned my head to look at him. He turned his head towards me but his eyes were still closed. He hummed a response to me but when I didn't answer he opened his eyes to look at me. We looked at each other while none of us spoke. Garrett had hazel eyes. Depending on the day his eyes would appear more green than brown. Today they had settled between the two; green and brown with specks of gold almost. He had messy brown hair that curled slightly at the edges. Garrett was tall but not lankly. He had natural muscles that weren't noticeable because of the clothes he wore. His family couldn't afford brand name clothes but that never bothered him. It was then that I noticed just how good looking Garrett was. I saw what so many girls saw in him. It made me wonder what stopped me from seeing this. Was it Kate? Or was it that I was so fucking damaged I couldn't see anything good anymore?

"Bella" Garrett whispered but it wasn't a question. It was then that I noticed that Garrett had placed his hand on my knee and was rubbing soothing circles with his thumb.

"Do you think that we all only get one great love?" I wondered out loud. He didn't answer straight away, but instead actually thought about it.

"No…" Garrett paused while his had drifted further up my leg without even realising it. "There are multiple great loves out there or whatever you want to call it. You just have to believe it as well."

'Who knew you were a closet romantic?" I joked. But none of us laughed despite our high. The energy was tense and the car still had smoke drifting around us. It was kind of hazy and our breaths got shallower as his hand moved further up until he reached my upper thigh with his fingertips slightly edging between my thighs. He paused though and just looked at me. I didn't speak but rather let my legs part ever so slightly as permission.

Garrett didn't move at first but we were both panting now. Our breath making the windows fog. His hand finally moved. He drifted over the seam of my jeans before apply pressure between my legs. A slight gasp escaped my lips but we never broke eye contact. He used one hand to unbutton my jeans showing how experienced he is. He tugged at my jeans and I lifted my ass so he could pull them down. I knew this was wrong but I couldn't fucking stop. I craved it. I was a terrible fucking person.

He applied pressure to my lips over my panties. I arched up towards his hand. That was all the permission he needed before dipping his hand inside my panties. He rubbed circles over my clit and I moaned loudly. This only encouraged him further so he slipped a finger inside me. His thumb massaged my clit while his fingers moved inside me. I grinded against his hand and he grunted loudly.

"Fuck, Bella, you're so wet" He grunted but he didn't stop. I moaned and pushed my hips up against his hand.

"Please don't stop" I begged as another moan escaped from me. He moaned in response and I reached across the car and placed a hand over his boner. It was pushing against his pants. As he continued to massage my clit I freed him from his pants. He sprung free. Just the sight of it made me fucking wetter. I wrapped my hand around his shaft and pumped my hand up and down while circling the tip with my thumb. Garrett grunted and pushed himself further into my hands.

I felt my orgasm begin to build at the pit of my stomach. I could feel myself tightening around his fingers. I was so close but I didn't stop pumping my hand up and down his length. We had broken eye contact by now. I threw my head back against the head rest as my orgasm was getting so close. I was trying to hold it back until Garrett reached his as well.

"Let it go, Bella. Come for me" He husky voice broke through our loud pants and moans. That was all I needed. I felt myself clench around his fingers and I screamed loudly as I cum on his hand. It must have been my release that set Garrett off as I felt him twitch in my hand and he came. We didn't move for a while. Just basked in the bliss of our orgasms. I removed my hand from Garrett's now limp dick. I hadn't opened my eyes yet. I was scared of what I would find. Garrett removed his hand from my panties.

We both took our time pulling our pants up and attempting to clean ourselves up in the small space. I still hadn't looked at him. What the fuck did I just do?

"Bella, it's okay" He reassured me. I finally looked up at him. I couldn't speak. Kate.

"What did we just do, Garrett?" I panicked. I am not just a terrible fucking person. I am a terrible friend.

"Well, I feel it's a bit late to have the birds and the bees talk now, Bella" Garrett laughed. Against my will I felt a smile tug at my lips.

"That's not what I meant" I continued.

"Kate"

"Kate" I confirmed.

Nothing else was said. Instead I started the car and drove towards Garrett's house. The ride was filled with silence. I didn't dare to look at Garrett but I could hear him humming along to the radio. We finally made it to his house and I mumbled a goodbye to him.

"Bella, we will tell her tomorrow. I promise you that she will be okay" Garrett sounded confident but I wasn't so sure.

"Is it okay if I just tell her… on my own?" Kate deserved to hear it from me first. I know she and Garrett weren't exclusive and they both slept with other people. But she is my best friend. I need to tell her with it just being us. I would let her yell and scream if she needed but I couldn't lose her.

"Okay" Garrett said before shutting the car door and walk up towards his house.

I pulled out of the driveway and made my way home. After everything that had happened I completely forgot about having to face my mom. Fuck. I arrived home but I couldn't see my mom's car anywhere. I made my way inside but the house was dark. I wandered around the dark house and made my way into the kitchen. Sitting on the counter was a note. I picked it up and immediately noticed my mother's handwriting.

 _Bella,_

 _I have gone into Seattle for the night with a few friends._

 _I'll see you tomorrow._

I scrunched the note up and threw it in the bin. I didn't bother messaging her but instead made my way up to my room and went to bed.

The drive to school the next day I was a fucking mess. I had slept in and barely even had time to shower before I dashed out of the house. I raced to school but my nerves were running fucking wild. I had to tell Kate. I needed to tell her. I had fucked up already I didn't need to lie as well. As I pulled in the school car park I saw Kate laughing with our friend. I felt as though I had been winded. No avoiding now.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath as I got out of the car. I made my way over to them and Garrett saw me first. He offered me a small smile before turning back to whatever Carmen was saying.

"Hey guys" I greeted them before turning to Kate. I was just going to dive straight fucking in. I couldn't stand here and act like I wasn't a shit friend.

"Kate?" I turned towards her and she smiled a big smile at me.

"Yeah, babe" But when she saw the look on my face the smile faded from her face.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I didn't dare to look at Garrett or the others. She didn't say anything but just followed me to a few feet away where no one could hear us.

"Bella darling, what's wrong?" Why did she have to be so fucking nice? This would be so much easier if she was a bitch. Fuck. Here goes nothing.

"Garrett and I hooked up." Geez I really was just diving straight in. Kate didn't say anything just looked at me. Normally Kate was so easy to read. She wore her heart on her sleeve. But right now she had the best fucking poker face.

"I mean we didn't fuck but we might as well have. I don't even know why I am trying to explain it to you. I can't justify my actions. I'm a shit friend and…"

"Bella, stop" Kate said. I immediately shut the fuck up and waited for her to say something. I would wait all day if I had to. Shit, I would wait forever if it meant I didn't lose her.

"I know, babe." Fucking Garrett. Opened his big fucking mouth even though he agreed I could tell her first. Absolute fucking dick.

"I mean I always knew that something would eventually happen between you two." Kate explained with a smile. Now I was just confused as fuck. It must have shown on my face because Kate began to laugh at me.

"Oh, sweet Bella!" She laughed. "I know Garrett is a horny fucker. And as much as you try to hide it, babe, you are too."

"Kate, I am so sorry" I pleaded.

"I forgive you." Kate said seriously. I couldn't fucking believe it. I was right. She was too good to be true. I didn't deserve a friend like her. Instead of saying all this I hugged her tightly. I didn't think she would hug me back. That maybe she was mad even though she said she wasn't. But instead she just hugged me tightly back.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. Kate pulled away and laughed again.

"Stop apologising. I forgave you before it even happened. You guys have always had sexual tension between you both. I am just glad you go it out of the way now. Don't want you fucking him when he has put a ring on my finger." She smiled as she looked over at Garrett and she twinkled her fingers at me. I smiled at her; grateful that I had lost a friend as good as her.

"Your love for each other is something that I will never understand" I confessed. Kate just laughed at me again before walking over to Garrett and draping her arm around him. She whispered something in his ear and they both laughed.

I made my way over to them but was stopped by Rosalie.

"Bella, I just wanted to make sure you were still coming over today. I think it will be good," Rosalie rambled. It was odd watching her fucking squirm. She was always so sure of her-fucking-self.

"I said I would be there didn't I, Princess?" I smirked. Yesterday had changed Rosalie.

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" And the Ice Queen had returned. About fucking time.

"I'll meet you at yours, Rosalie" I smiled at her before making my way into the school. Nervous and unsure did not suit Rosalie Hale. She was confident and a fucking bitch and I don't want yesterday to change those great qualities about her.

The rest of the school day passed in a blur. I didn't pay much attention in class. After the last couple of days I was drained; mentally and fucking emotionally. I hadn't realised how tired I was until the end of the day. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep. But I couldn't do that. I still had an evening to spend at Rosalie's.

I dragged my feet to my car and my fingers automatically grazed the side softly. It was a sort of greeting to Christine. I got inside and just sat in the car for a brief moment. I lit a cigarette to calm myself for the evening that was in store for me. I started the drive towards Rosalie's but noticed a small figure walking on the side of the road. Alice Brandon.

I slowed the car down next to her and rolled my window down.

"Brandon!" I called out to her. Her tiny little head shot up and she looked around to see who called. She spotted me in the car and timidly made her way over. When she finally got next to the car she just looked at me but didn't speak. Fuck me, she was going to make me do all the talking.

"Get in" I said as I reached across and flung open the passenger car door. She just looked at me shocked. But she didn't argue with me. Instead she just folded herself neatly into my car before shutting the door quietly.

"Thanks" She said softly.

"Don't thank me yet. We still have a long fucking night ahead of us, Brandon" I said to her but to myself as well.

 **Review, Favourite, Follow!**

 **DON'T HATE ME! I know that Garrett and Bella romance is not what you guys signed up for. But I am certain that Kate and Garrett will end up together. So do not fear. What happened between them was a way for Bella to forget about all the shit that she has gone through. To try and maybe move on or at least see if she is capable of that. Anyway the next chapter will be in the next week. I have been updating more frequently now. The next chapter will be full of the gang. I am sure that is more what you guys want to read. But I needed to get this stuff out of the way before I focused a lot more solely on the gang. I'll stop now because I am rambling but I shall update soon. And don't forget to review and let me know what you think!**


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